Blog 10, Forgiveness Series, No. 1: 060114:

When I was 7, in the second grade, my sister Betty and I (she was 6, in the first grade), were walking to school together in the snow.  It was sunny, about 6 inches of snow, but very cold.  We were taking a short cut thru peoples’ back yards, running as fast as we could, when Betty started crying and saying she couldn’t go on.  She said her feet were freezing and she couldn’t walk anymore.  At first I was holding her hand and pulling her by the arm trying to make her come on, which only made her cry more.  I guess I thought if I could keep her going a little longer we would be there soon, but I was thinking to myself, “if  don’t you hurry up we’re going to be tardy.”  But she kept crying more and more, getting slower  and slower til she finally sat down in the snow and just sat there crying.

So I tried to pick her up under the arms, but she was too heavy, so I just gave up and said, “If you don’t get up I’m going to leave you.”  She didn’t get up, so I left.  I don’t remember anything bad happening to me over this incident.  Turned out a lady in a house nearby heard Betty crying and came to the rescue; got her in, warmed her up; dried her off; and took her to school.

But I’ve never gotten over it.  I’m still ashamed of leaving my sister sitting in the snow.  I know that Jesus died on the cross for me and my sins, so I don’t have to feel guilty, but the devil still accuses me.  My sister is gone; killed in a rafting accident at age 54; and I never told her I was sorry.  I know God has forgiven me; but I’m still working on accepting His forgiveness.  What makes it worse is I can remember times after that when SHE defended ME in high risk situations with no thought for her own safety.   Some days life is complicated.


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