Blog 12, Forgiveness Episode No. 3: 060314; Mr. Yeldon is the head drama teacher at Hutchinson Intermediate School in Milam ISD, near Beaumont, Texas.  (The names have been changed to protect the innocent)  He was formerly the head drama teacher at Milam High School for many years, before retiring, getting bored, and going back to teaching drama again at a lower level, mainly for something to do in his retirement.  (A decision I respect him for, by the way.)  I don’t know exactly how old he is, but I assume he’s in his 60’s, short of stature, fairly slender, drives a Jaguar or some other recognizable sports car that he covers with a canvas cover when he parks it in the parking lot at school.  Reliable rumor has it that he is well-known and well-respected in his profession of teaching drama to intermediate and high school kids.

            I know Mr. Yeldon because for three (3) years, (6^th 7^th and 8^th grades) he was my son John’s drama teacher.  Without getting cranked up about it,  John is an actor.  He can sing, dance and act.  He had five years experience in acting, singing and dancing, with appropriate additional private training in all three fields prior to his association with Mr. Yeldon.  In the early stages, Mr. Yeldon often acknowledged John’s abilities and gave him appropriate parts in any plays for which he was available; when John didn’t have previous commitments.  We, my wife Lynn and I, and John, liked Mr. Yeldon, and appreciated his talents, experience and background in teaching drama.  They  got along well.  Mr. Yeldon seemed to be glad to have John in his classes and in his productions. 

            Along about the middle of John’s 7^th grade year Mr. Yeldon’s grandson passed away.  We don’t know the circumstances, but the boy was fairly young, in grade school, and many commented on how hard it must have been for Mr. Yeldon to get over.  We assume that this event had something to do with the change in Mr. Yeldon’s behavior.  For the rest of the 7^th grade and throughout the 8^th grade, Mr. Yeldon got progressively more combative, more consumed with discipline and less with teaching, often attacking his students verbally, exiling them from the room, and/or sending them to the principal’s office.  Drama class became progressively more difficult for John, who complained that Mr. Yeldon often attacked him personally for perceived disciplinary infractions which had previously been OK (a moderate amount of talking is to be expected; it IS drama class; some talking with classmates is required).  When John would try to explain his behavior, or that of an accused classmate, he would be sent out of the classroom to stand on the porch.  When John would ask permission to explain, he would be denied.  It should be pointed out that John is a fairly strong-willed child who does not mind defending his positions in a respectful way, for himself or for others.

            Things got progressively worse in class throughout John’s 7^th and 8^th grade years, but Mr. Yeldon still wanted John to perform as often as possible in school productions and in competitive drama tournaments, which John did, whenever he was available.  Mr. Yeldon was suitably gracious concerning John’s performances.  John, for his part, grew more and more restive about staying in Mr. Yeldon’s classes, and even began to talk of giving up drama altogether.  For our part, Lynn and I attributed John’s negative attitude toward theater directly to Mr. Yeldon’s treatment of him and other students in the class.  We began to believe that Mr. Yeldon was acting irresponsibly in treating the students in such a heavy-handed way.  (This from a father who grew up in an environment and raised a previous family of three kids with the attitude that if you got a whipping at school, you’d get another one when you got home.) 

            Oh, yeah, now I remember, they don’t give whippings at school anymore; they just figure out other ways to put the kids in their place.  From previous activities in other schools and other acting engagements, we knew that John’s favorite activity and favorite future goal was all about acting, singing and dancing, and we truly were angry and sad that Mr. Yeldon was having such a negative effect on John’s attitude.

            The last straw came at the final performance of John’s 8^th grade year, when he was the leading actor, and by all counts (even Mr. Yeldon’s) the star of that performance.  We all expected that at the awards ceremony a few days later, John would get his due.  He received a notice in the mail saying that he should attend to receive an award; so he did.  At the awards ceremony he did receive an award, for some minor activity of such little consequence that I don’t even remember what it was.  We were hot.  We couldn’t believe it.  The students who won the major awards weren’t even on the same level as John (in difficulty of the roles or in performance of the roles).  Sometime later, after the drama year was over, Mr. Yeldon explained that because John was unable to participate in all the scheduled drama events during all three years (because he was performing in other venues), under the school rules Mr. Yeldon couldn’t give him the highest awards, even though John merited them.  Later they had an informal awards banquet in which Mr. Yeldon said John would receive awards; but we didn’t even go, because we expected, rightly or wrongly, that John would be humiliated again. 

            Now Lynn thinks that Mr. Yeldon was really suffering under the burden of his grandson’s death and therefore deserves some consideration.  As for me, until recently I was telling people, every time the subject came up, that Mr. Yeldon was a “petty little man” who wrongly took his own depression out on unsuspecting students; and more, that he mistreated my son to such a degree that John almost quit theater for good, when he truly loved it.  I was hot, and I wasn’t getting over it.  Now, due to intervening circumstances, I have come to the conclusion that under the rules Mr. Yeldon may NOT have been able to give John what I thought he was due; that maybe Mr. Yeldon would have rewarded John in some manner commensurate with his talents and skills if we had gone to the (second) awards banquet; and that ultimately I owe Mr. Yeldon an apology as much or more than he owes John an apology.  Since I just came to this conclusion, I’m going to have to let it sink in a little before I actually go apologize, but I’m seriously considering doing that.  

            So how does all this fit in with forgiveness?  Numero Uno: when I actually believed Mr. Yeldon had wronged my son, I should have forgiven him, up front, without saying a word to him or about him to anyone else.  The real cruel joke is that I may be, probably am, the petty little man in this story.  Whew! That’s bitter medicine.  Forgive me, dear Lord, for being such a stupid idiot.  I hope someday to be able to surrender to God enough on a day by day, moment by moment basis, that I can forgive perceived wrongs as soon as they happen, rather than waiting until my semi-annual trip to the altar at the prison ministry weekend.  Somewhere in this story, Jesus is standing off to the side saying, “What about, if you’re going to claim to be a Christian, that you try, just a little, to act like it?”

            On a different note, what if I had started out with love in my heart, trying to see the good in Mr. Yeldon, trying to understand why he did what he did before condemning him.  It seems reasonable to expect that following that behavior, God might have moved everyone (even me) in the direction of reconciliation rather than condemnation.  It might’ve changed all our lives for the better.  It’s genuinely supernatural what God can do with us if we just surrender and trust and obey.

            Blog 11, Forgiveness Series, No. 2: 060214: In the fall of 2013 my cousin Sharon Rose died.  She lived in a little town north of Dallas.  She was one of only two first cousins I had left that still maintained contact with me.  All the rest are too busy or too distant, either in space or in relationship.  She died unexpectedly about age 73.  She was in in bad health, but doing OK; but she got pneumonia and diarrhea, and before she or her kids knew what was really happening, she up and died.  

            I hardly ever go to funerals; except for people I’m close to and people I really respect and love as friends and brothers or sisters in Jesus.  She fell into both categories.  My other cousin Danny, who was my best family friend from childhood, lives about an hour and a half away from where Sharon Rose lived; so the afternoon before I drove to his house to spend the night; thinking that the next day we could ride over to the funeral together, and visit along the way.  I arrived at his house about 8:00 pm.  He and his wife had something to do so I hung around the house, watched TV and did a little work while they were gone.  They came back fairly late, so we didn’t have much time to talk.  The next morning we went by a local café for breakfast before going to meet Danny’s son Scott at the park and ride.  When we got there, Danny got out of his car, got in Scott’s pick up and they drove off, with me following.  I got to stew about it all the way to the funeral.  While we were there we hardly talked to each other because of all the other people that were there, mostly members of Danny’s family.  Even more astounding, after the funeral Danny and Scott went out and got in Scott’s pick up and were driving away before I had a chance to say goodbye to them. 

            I was immediately surprised that he didn’t ride with me so we could talk; since we hardly ever get to see each other anymore; and since he and Scott are almost next-door neighbors and see each other at least weekly, usually more often than that.   I couldn’t imagine why he’d do that.  Isn’t this silly?  Here I am 65 years old, and I’m hurt because someone who I hardly ever see, and only talk to maybe once every two or three months, would want to ride with someone else;  even though that someone else was his oldest son, and clearly someone with whom he has a closer and more important relationship with than with me.  I guarantee you if I said something to Danny about this, he would be surprised to death to think that I felt bad about it.  I’m still trying to figure out why I’m so hurt by it.  I’ve talked to my wife about it, and she’s explained to me that the older we all get, the greater is the separation, because the more distant we are removed from those relationships (both in years of our lives, and MORE by the generations of children and grandchildren that fill our lives as we age).  It feels like I’ve been holding on to those relationships more than Danny has, maybe because I live farther away than he does from all the rest of our family, and I’m more aware of the separation.  Funny thing is, the distance is mostly due to me, not to Danny, since I chose to move to a different part of a large state to live my life.  I really am the cause of the gap.

            I’m really writing this rather long sob-story to try to figure out why I feel bad about the loss of this formerly strong family relationship.  My wife says it’s because it IS a loss, but one that you just have to deal with and go on with your life.  It does seem to help to get it out there and think about different aspects of the issue, so I can deal with them.  My version is that God has other roads He wants me to walk, and other relationships He wants me to develop.  And He is definitely working in my life to take me down those other roads and into those new and different relationships.  So I should rejoice in what God is doing, even if the ‘out with the old’ sometimes saddens the ‘in with the new’.  But I do want to tell you how happy I am that I’ve HAD a second life, after the 40 years of my ‘first’ life; in spite of the spells of sadness.

            Back to the part about forgiveness.  What in the world am I doing worrying about such a minor perceived slight?  Why am I carrying such a bag of manure around with me, letting it stir me up and separate me from the love of God and my life-long friend and kin.  Even if Danny did something to me intentionally (on purpose), which is preposterous; why am I wasting my time and energy and emotional stability brooding over it.  Isn’t this exactly the kind of stuff we’re supposed to give up to God, so He can take it away; so we don’t have to ever think about it again????   The devil must be laughing his rear-end off at what a tizz I can get myself in over such an insignificant event.  What can I possibly be thinking about?  Where was I when Paul was talking about “Love suffers long and is kind? .  .  .  Love will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.”  I must have been lost somewhere when God was passing out that kind of love.  That’s what I need to remember right now and always, especially when I start to think that someone has done me wrong.  Give it up to God!  Thank God that He can and will take care of ALL our troubles; if we’ll just let go of them and let HIM take care of them; however and whenever He gets good and ready.  Amen?  Amen!!!

When I was 7, in the second grade, my sister Betty and I (she was 6, in the first grade), were walking to school together in the snow.  It was sunny, about 6 inches of snow, but very cold.  We were taking a short cut thru peoples’ back yards, running as fast as we could, when Betty started crying and saying she couldn’t go on.  She said her feet were freezing and she couldn’t walk anymore.  At first I was holding her hand and pulling her by the arm trying to make her come on, which only made her cry more.  I guess I thought if I could keep her going a little longer we would be there soon, but I was thinking to myself, “if  don’t you hurry up we’re going to be tardy.”  But she kept crying more and more, getting slower  and slower til she finally sat down in the snow and just sat there crying.

So I tried to pick her up under the arms, but she was too heavy, so I just gave up and said, “If you don’t get up I’m going to leave you.”  She didn’t get up, so I left.  I don’t remember anything bad happening to me over this incident.  Turned out a lady in a house nearby heard Betty crying and came to the rescue; got her in, warmed her up; dried her off; and took her to school.

But I’ve never gotten over it.  I’m still ashamed of leaving my sister sitting in the snow.  I know that Jesus died on the cross for me and my sins, so I don’t have to feel guilty, but the devil still accuses me.  My sister is gone; killed in a rafting accident at age 54; and I never told her I was sorry.  I know God has forgiven me; but I’m still working on accepting His forgiveness.  What makes it worse is I can remember times after that when SHE defended ME in high risk situations with no thought for her own safety.   Some days life is complicated.

Blog 9, Forgiveness, Introduction, 053114               I do a little work in a Christian ministry to people in prison. We have a weekend retreat twice a year to 42 new/different “brothers in white”, hoping to teach them (or guide them in learning) about the basic principles of Christianity.             One of the basic principles of Christianity is forgiveness. Like it says in the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our trespasses, (debts, sins) as we forgive those who trespass (harm, sin) against us.” (Matt 6:9-13) ​  In Verses 14-15 Jesus has more to say about this subject. ​            In this ministry​, we place a great deal of emphasis on forgiveness.  We have four or five separate talks about it during the weekend.  We call it the “forgiveness series”.   It ends with a forgiveness ceremony in which everyone: pilgrims, the servant team, and the ministry team members write on a small pieces of special ‘flash’ paper; they write two lists, 1] all the names of people they need to forgive; and 2] all the people they have wronged and need to ask for their forgiveness.  Then we nail the lists to a cross and burn them up; as a symbol of how, when we give our sins up to God, He separates us from them “as far as the East is from the West.”  No one misses the implication that this is only possible because of what Jesus did for us on the cross.  Then every time the devil comes to accuse us, we can remember that moment and say, “Get away from me devil, in Jesus’ Name, ’cause God has already forgiven me for that.” (and everything else too!)             Just like it says in the ‘Big Book’ from AA, you can’t get relief from what’s wrong with you until you admit to yourself (and others) that you have a problem and you need help; admit that your life is unmanageable and you’re powerless to change it.  Only then can you start to get any help.  In the Christian terminology that’s ‘confess your sins’ and accept God’s forgiveness.             So recently we had a weekend and I was writing a short introductory talk to the  forgiveness ceremony, and God started talking to me about a couple of episodes in my life that I was still carrying around unforgiven.  One happened when I was seven years old, and the other one happened within the last six months, since my 65th birthday.  Oh, did I mention that I’ve done more than 30 prison ministry weekends over the last ten or twelve years, with a forgiveness ceremony at each one, and before now, these particular “forgiveness issues” never reared their ugly heads.  I just didn’t think about them.             Some of the names on my list keep showing up every time.  I really try to forgive them, but by the next weekend, six months later, they come to mind again.  You’d think I’d get it after 30 times.  Must be something to what my daddy used to say about me having a thick skull.  Since that talk 2-3 weeks ago, I’ve thought of three more incidents in my life that need to be dealt with, just as urgently as the ones mentioned above.   And each of these five episodes demonstrate something different about how unforgiveness (and forgiveness) works.  One thing though, that arises in nearly every case, is that failing to forgive someone (often yourself), shuts down and blocks open communication with God.  So when God says, as cited above in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others, then God will forgive you; but if you don’t forgive others, then God won’t forgive you;”  it means something, something important.

BLOG 8: A BUNCH OF SINNERS: 053114:

            Well, I’m a sinner. I’ve been saved by the grace of God through our Lord Jesus, but I’m still a sinner.  I’ve been knowing about Jesus and going to church, and hanging around with Christians since I was a baby; long before I got saved at age 10.  I was ordained as a minister of the Gospel in 1983, when I was 35, but I’m still a sinner.   I’ve been working in prison ministry since 2002, about 12 years now, and in that time God has shown me more of Himself than in the whole rest of my life put together, but I’m still a sinner.

            I wish I could tell you that once you really commit to God, living the Christian life is going to be easy, that you’re going to feel God’s presence every day, more and more; that you’re going to be obedient, that you’re not going to do anything stupid, that you’re going to trust God all the time, that you’re going to love everybody and they’re going to love you; that there’s going to be a steady shining light in your life all the time and no more darkness.  Sorry, it’s just not going to be all sweetness and light, because we’re all still a bunch of sinners.

            Let’s say that everybody reading this has made a commitment to Jesus and we’re excited about the prospect of going out into the world to share Jesus with people out there in the dark.  How are we going to do that?  We can’t. Why can’t we?  We’re heard the message; we’ve accepted it; we’ve made a commitment to Jesus; and He’s definitely made a commitment to us (to each one of us).  So what is holding us back?

            It’s sin.  Oh, I’m not taking about regular sin like lying and cheating and stealing, drinking and drugs and sex and all that stuff.  I’m talking about fear and doubt, guilt and shame and unforgiveness, and most of all, thinking we can get along without God.  You know, Jesus talked about this stuff in His Sermon on the Mount when he said, ” . . . forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”  Why can’t we forgive others, even when God is standing there with His hand out, waiting to forgive us?  When we encounter temptation why can’t we just turn around and walk away and be delivered from that evil?  Why can’t we look the devil in the eye and say, “Go back to hell where you came from and leave me alone?”  We can’t do what we’re supposed to because the flesh is weak; because Satan is constantly taking pot shots at us, hoping that we’re having a weak spell that day; and some days we are.

            Several years ago I had a friend named Hugh.  I met him when I was doing a prison ministry weekend out at the Carol Vance Unit.  I never knew a guy who could pray as good as he could.  He was a true believer, a serious truster in Jesus.  He prayed with me before I gave my very first talk.  At that time Hugh had been in prison most of 19 years, and he got out while I was still ministering out there.  After he got out he called me, and we had lunch.  He was a really nice guy and a hard worker.  He was a boot and saddle maker and he had his own tools which he stored while he was in prison, and then got out and went back to work.  He was making good money and staying close to God, till he found out the guys he was working with were drinking a little beer on the back of the pickup in the evenings after work; and he told me “I thought I could handle one beer.”  The next time I heard from him, he wanted me to take him to a half-way house he’d found to avoid them revoking his parole.  He’d fallen off the wagon.  The next time he got out he went to the 59 Diner one night after work, and the waitress was a good lookin’ blond-headed girl who smiled when they talked.  And you know how drug-users are; they can spot each other a mile off; and it turned out she had just gotten out of jail on a cocaine charge; and she told Hugh she just happened to have a little stuff in the car and maybe he’d want to try some.  Well he called me after that time before he went back to the half-way house.  We had breakfast.  That’s the last time I’ve seen him.  He’s a long-time heroin addict and he just couldn’t stay off it.  I think after that he was just ashamed to call me back.  But you know what he used to say?  It was Philippians 1:6, about how “[God] who has begun a good work in you, (He) will keep on doing it till the day Jesus comes back.,”  And Hugh would say, “I know that God has begun a good work in me, and even though I fall back, I know that Jesus still loves me and He’s still working in my life.”

            I have another friend named Ben, who lives in a little town up near Waco; and he has more than his fair share of troubles, most of them self-inflicted.  He’s a 50-something year old broke down bull rider; got a lot of heart and lot of spunk; but he’s also got a lot of stupid that gets after him sometimes.  I’ve know him since the early 90’s when I first came to Houston.  He lived down the lane from me and we rode horses together sometimes.  In his adult life he’s had several spells of doing pretty good interspersed with long spells of being real stupid.  I’ve tried to help him find work on several occasions.  I just got through with one of those episodes a month or two ago.  It ended the same as usual.  The guy I helped him find a job with said he wasn’t up to snuff and they let him go after he’d been working there for 2-3 months.  Ben still calls me,  looking for work, and you can hear the fear in his voice.  Some days he’s so depressed he can’t even get up and go look for work, or take care of the little stuff his wife needs him to do around their place.  You know what’s wrong with Ben?  He’s afraid.  He’s afraid that he won’t be able to find another job and he won’t be able to support his wife, and she’ll end up leaving him like his first wife did.  He’s afraid that he’ll have another binge where he stays high for a month or two, and he’ll never come up for air.  But he calls me, and I tell him that God still loves him and I do too; and he tells me that next to his momma, I’m the most encouraging guy he knows.  And I tell him it’s only because of God that I’m able to say anything, much less nice things.  But me and Ben’s momma are still praying, and he still takes spells of saying that he knows God is taking care of him, no matter what it looks like.  Praise the Lord for that!        

            My last story is about my Daddy.  My daddy was a natural athlete who came from a little bitty town in West Texas where they played 6-man football.  He joined the Navy in 1936, and he was supposed to get out in 1940, but WWII was fixing to start and they wouldn’t let him out, so he stayed 11 years, 2 years after the war was over.  He was a left-handed pitcher for the ship that won the baseball championship for the Seventh Fleet in the Pacific, and he was the golden-glove champion in boxing.  He was a disciplined sailor, a Chief Petty Officer, but he probably never drew a sober breath when he was off the ship.  He did a lot of dancing and a lot of fighting at the dances.  Lucky he didn’t get killed, either in battle or in a bar.  I used to say that I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather have standing beside me in a fight than my Daddy.  Well, he survived, and straightened up and made a life.  He found my momma and they had two kids before they divorced after 20 years.  I think he never really got over that.  He lived to be 81, and in his later years he used to talk to me about how he was scared to die.  My daddy wasn’t scared of anything in this world, but he was scared about dying.  I’d say to him, “Daddy, all you’ve got to do is pray and tell God that you need help, and He’ll help you.”  And my Daddy would say, “I can’t pray, because I’ve done too many bad things.”  As if to say, “God just won’t forgive me.”  And back then I didn’t know what to say that would help him understand; but I do now; and if you feel the way my daddy did, I want you to know that God has already forgiven you because of what Jesus already did, and all you have to do is accept His forgiveness.  He’ll work out the rest as you go along.  Jesus says in John 5:24, “If you’ll pay attention to what I say, and trust Him who sent me (that’s God), you have eternal life; you will never be condemned; you have passed from death unto life.”

            So how are we going to live with all the crap that’s going on in our lives?  Here’s the answer, and I know from personal experience that this is the only answer that really works; that will keep on working to the end:  TURN TO GOD; develop a close personal relationship with Him.  Do it every day, every hour, every minute; every time the devil comes up to you and says, “You don’t really believe that stuff about God do you?  He won’t really take care of you, will He?”  And whatever may be happening, in the face of all evidence to the contrary; whether it’s death, or poverty, or neglect, even a prison, you look the devil in the eye and say, “Yep, I believe in God, I’m trusting Jesus to keep on taking care of me forever; so you Devil, can go back to hell where you came from.”  And how do you reach the point where you can do that?  You start; you start today; you turn your whole self over to Jesus today, like this, “Oh Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner, I need help right now, please take care of me today. I surrender to you today.  I’m trusting in you to live your life in me today.  Thank you for loving me and caring for me all this time, when I wasn’t even looking.”

            I know for certain that focusing on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit every day, and getting closer and closer to Him, is the most important thing we all must do for the rest of our lives.  How do you do that?  EVERY DAY, early in the day, you need to 1] READ THE BIBLE AND SOME DEVOTIONAL; then 2] PRAY AND MEDITATE ON WHAT YOU’VE READ in the Bible and the devotional and think about how what you read relates to what is happening in your life, yesterday, today and this week; and LISTEN TO WHAT GOD IS TELLING YOU about how to live your life;  3] Spend time with the Brothers, in 1] prayer and share; 2] Bible studies; 3] Christian activities; and 4] Church;  the more time you spend seeking God, the more time God will spend seeking you; and you will discover that your relationship with God is growing and maturing and you are beginning to change, both inside and out.  I know from personal experience that this works, in spite of the fact that we’re all still sinners.

            Most of all TRUST GOD; ’cause you know when all else fails; when it’s totally dark and you don’t know what’s happening or why, God is still taking care of you.  And when you start wandering off into the bushes; just get back to the fundamentals.  God is still there, running to meet you when you start to come back home. 

The right order of ‘what must we do to be saved’ is this, [1] CONFESS (that is, recognize you are a sinner) [2] receive FORGIVENESS; [3] REPENTANCE (turning away from sin, taking a new path, a new Way);  Consider the Prodigal Son story in Luke 15.  The father was watching and waiting for the son to come home so he could forgive him.  When the son ‘came to himself’ he recognized that he had sinned and needed to be delivered, which IS a personal confession since God is looking at our hearts.  He rose and went to the father and confessed out loud that “I am not worthy to be your son because I have sinned”.  His father totally ignored him and called for the fatted calf, because “my son was lost and now he’s found, he was dead and now he’s alive.”  Talk about forgiveness.

Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is to you and to your children, and to all who are afar off, as many as the Lord our God will call.”

When I was a kid I remember thinking that you had to repent (quit sinning) before God could or would forgive you.  That’s what caused me to be afraid every time I read this verse.  How CAN God forgive me, when I’m still a sinner?  I suppose everybody already knew this about getting forgiveness even before you repent, but for me, right now, right here, this is a great revelation to me.

Remission = forgiveness; in multiple different versions of the Bible, remission is DEFINED as forgiveness.

So maybe Acts 2:38 IS the right order for conversion if Peter just starts with the ‘repent’ because the men asking for help (in the preceding verses) have already experienced the change in their hearts which is evidenced by their confession of ‘what shall we do?’; which God sees, and then Peter says, “So turn around, be baptized .  .  . and receive the Holy Spirit.”

Often we run confession (recognition of our sin) together with repentance and then say, or assume, that we must repent BEFORE God will even consider forgiving us; when in fact, as soon as we recognize (in our hearts) that we have sinned, God forgives and we can repent.

Interpretation: you repent and be baptized in the Name of Jesus [for]  ‘because you have received’ the forgiveness of sins. (not [for] ‘so you will receive’ the forgiveness of sins because you have already repented.)

Interesting connection: remission also means that you have been delivered from some life-threatening illness, and you are ‘in remission’; hopefully for a long time.  In some sense we are ‘in remission’ from our life-threatening illness of Sin; but we are permanently delivered from it by Jesus’ Blood.

It’s all about the “Order of Conversion”

Today, 052014, I read a blog by Roger E. Olson, about MTD, short for Moralistic, Therapeutic Deism, which says, in layman’s terms that the Christian youth in America have succumbed to the cultural influences of affluence, free-enterprise and democracy and have left their roots in the New Testament to follow the American Dream.  Olson reviewed the research of sociologist of religion Christian Smith and his colleague Melinda Denton.  I was surprised at how well they summed it up.  I was able to follow their tracks easily because I had written a piece about this very subject a few years ago.  What follows is the provincial version of MTD.

“True obedience is Luke 9:23.  Jesus said, “If any man would be my disciple, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it; but whoever will lose his life for My sake, will find it.  For what does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”

What does this mean, “take up his cross?”  Look at Galatians 2:20, where it says, “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of (trust in) the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  Take up your cross, means to die to yourself so that Jesus can live His eternal life in you.  Whoever is willing to die to himself daily is the one who is being obedient.  Quit trying to get your way, and let Jesus live in you so He can have His way with you and with those around you.  It’s a daily act of surrender; of humbling yourself; of giving plumb up.

Why is it so hard to be obedient to God?  Why is it so hard to “deny yourself, and take up your cross daily, and follow Him?”  The free-enterprise, democratic, materialistic, individual-istic, independent character of the culture of the United States of America in the 20th and 21st centuries is directly at odds with this passage.  There is a cognitive disconnect between this passage and the way we live, think, and organize our lives.  Apart from a few, minor religious societies such as the Amish and Mennonites, Orthodox Jews, and some of the ‘fringe’ Mormon sects; we have all turned away from focusing on God.  We have made a religion of focusing on ourselves.  Our whole society has turned from God to money, possessions and self promotion of the grossest kind.

There are exceptions to every rule, but I’d say my background, my upbringing and my social situation are pretty representative of a great cross-section of people in America; not just white, European, nominally Christian, people; but many Asians and Africans (of many religions), who have come here seeking their education and their fortune over the past 100 years.  With most, if not all of them, as with me, there is a great conflict between the teaching of our former cultures and the religion(s) on which those cultures were based, and the present culture of America, that is based on the religion of the self, of possessions, of control by men, rather than surrender to God.  ‘Scuse me, but the short version of this philosophy, this religion, is ‘Yea me and screw you.’  And we support this culture with all kinds of good sounding, well meaning, lies about what great people we are for organizing and running our lives this way.  There is a cognitive disconnect between the ‘American Dream’ of ‘self, money and stuff’ on the one hand; and ‘deny yourself, take up your cross, daily, and follow Me’ on the other.

What do we do to reconcile this conflict?  Well,  we have three choices, 1] Give plumb up and follow Him; 2] Pursue education, money, power and control; and the devil take the hindmost; or 3] keep doing what most of us have been doing our whole lives for generations; give lip service to God; but continue our lives of good college, good job, good spouse, good house in a good part of town, good schools for our kids, good clubs, good insurance, good investments, good vacations, good retirement; independence and control of our own lives; don’t be beholden to anybody else, least of all our families, our parents, our kids, or our God.              If you’re a middle class American, from middle class American stock, and you don’t fit #3 above, like a glove, I think you are either conning yourself or you’re ignoring reality.

Let me tell you how I measure up to #3.  I’ve been going to church more on than off since I was born.  My parents’ families have been professing Christians as far back as we’ve been able to trace them; some lines as far back as the 1600’s.  Some were true believers, genuine trusters in Jesus.  A few were pastors along the way, Catholics turned Baptists.

My paternal grandmother, Meta, trusted Jesus.  She was fully involved in all the activities of her church.  She took all her kids to church; all nine of them.  She took care of the poor and the sick in her community.  She read the Bible, studied it, meditated on it.  When I was a child, she was in her 80’s, nearly blind; and every time I’d come to visit she’d get me to read the Bible to her.  Her Bible was wore plumb out. It had duct tape down the back to keep it together.  But she wouldn’t let us get her a new one because the old one had all her notes in the margins.  She was relentless in her pursuit of God.  She prayed long and hard every day.  Not all her kids came to God, but it wasn’t for lack of her praying for them, and telling them about God, and showing them what it was like to be someone who truly ‘denied herself, and took up her cross daily, and followed Him’.  Four of her sons surrendered their lives to God.  One early, three later.  Three deacons, all true trustors in Jesus.  Raised their kids to trust God, though some fell away.  They loved God with all their hearts.

That’s the kind of people I came from.  That’s the kind of people that influenced me. My momma came from a different branch, but her family was also committed to Jesus for generations.  My momma was standing beside me when I was 10; during the invitation at a church in Lubbock, Texas; when I broke down crying, and she says, “What’s the matter?”  I said, “I don’t know.”  She says, “I think you better go down.”  (‘Go down’ means go down the aisle and surrender yourself to Jesus).  And I did.  I couldn’t really tell at the beginning, but my life was changed.  God has been moving in my life ever since.  I’ve run away over and over, but He always brings me back, closer and closer to Him.  (He just won’t give up.)

But here’s the hitch.  At the same time I was being raised to get along in the American culture.  I got a vision of how this comparison works out.  The ‘culture’ side looks like it wins, but the ‘God’ side is the way of true obedience.  Here’s the way it was in the 1950’s in the good ole U.S.A.

From my earliest memories, I was raised with certain expectations.  In the beginning it was my parents’ expectations for me; but as I grew older I imbibed their expectations and they became my own. Before I started to school I knew that I was expected to do well there; to make good grades, to be obedient, to work hard on projects; to be respectful to my teachers and all authorities.  I didn’t just practice this in school, I lived it.  My momma had been teaching more than 20 years when I was born, and she got her master’s degree in education when I was in the first grade.  So I knew what was expected of me and I generally lived up to the expectations.  In fact, by the time I got saved, at 10, I really felt the ‘calling of God’ to be a lawyer.  I did well in school; graduated 4th in my class of 400 from high school.  I finished two years of college; then had a few interruptions, including marriage, the Army, and the Viet Nam war; before I got in the “oil bidness”, and I was off to the races.

From early in life, maybe junior high school, I thought I’d be a millionaire by the time I was 30.  And I was well on my way.  Had a big, distinctive house, rental property for extra income, great job with opportunities for more money on the side.  ‘Course I was out of town a lot, and worked long hours when I was home.  Not much ‘focus on the family’, but I was certainly living up to everyone’s expectations about education, job, money and stuff.  Like I was saying, I was reading and applying the principles of Napolean Hill’s Think and Grow Rich,20  from an early age.  You know, “whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, he can achieve.”  I was right there.  (Wait, where was God in all this?  You remember, lip service)  Served on many civic, church and charitable committees.  Wait, what about family?  Sad to say, I hardly thought about family.  ‘Course even at that, I was right in the middle of almost everyone’s expectations for success in our culture and society.

But back to the original issue.  Where was God in all of this?  Where was “Deny myself, take up my cross daily, and follow Jesus?”  You probably already got the answer.  He was nowhere.  The only time I turned around to talk to, or listen to, God was when He did something to get my attention and make me remember how little I was really in control.  And He did too.  He came when I was 27, and I followed Him til I was 32, and then fell away for 5 years or so.  Went back to my life of trying to make money and get stuff, and run my life.  He came again when I was 37, when I nearly died of intestinal disorders.  He resurrected me, almost from the dead; but I didn’t take long til I was hard at it again, money and stuff, money and stuff.

Finally, about 40, I got a second divorce from my first wife; and decided that God was calling me to go to law school (my words, not His); and I did it.  I decided that I could really do something for other people, and probably make a lot of money at the same time.  But in the process, God was leading me down the path to Him.  Pretty late in life, about age 50, after practicing criminal defense law for about 6-7 years, I finally gave up to God for good.  Been going on with God about fifteen years now; and I think He’s finally got a good scald on me this time.  Kinda like when Jesus asked them if they were going to go away like the others, and Peter said, “Where would we go?”

I finally gave up. 50-something, and I quit living the divided life.  Trying to do my own thing while struggling to satisfy God without ever “denying myself, and taking up my cross daily, and following Him.”  I finally decided that I’d just give plumb up, like God had been asking me to do for most of my life.  It was hard to do, but I did it.  Yes, I still have a job that God uses to give me money.  And I am still involved in ‘activities’ that don’t look much different from before.  But my heart (and my head) are in a whole different place.  I spend a lot more time seeking God’s face and practicing trusting Him than ever before.  And sharing God’s love and mercy and grace.  Like some old rock song says, “I guess you have to finally decide, Say yes to one and let the other one ride.”  Well, I did that.  I have said yes to “The One”.  I have let the other one (my self)  ride.  Deny myself; take up my cross (the cross of death to me and life from Jesus), every single day,  and follow Him.   Now THAT is what obedience is all about.

What do you think  .   .   . What do you do?

1] What does “be My disciple” mean to you?                           2] What does “deny yourself” mean to you?

3] What does “take up your cross, daily” mean to you?          4] Why is it so hard to truly “follow Jesus” in our society?  5] How do you measure up on the question of reconciling yourself to God, following Jesus, in this culture and this society?  Which of the following do you choose?  (Try to be honest with yourself, even if you can’t say it out loud)

a] Completely surrender to God?                                 b] Sell your soul to the devil to gain control

c] Play both ends against the middle; try to walk that impossible line to satisfy both sides? (trying to serve two masters, God and money)   WHICH IS IT FOR YOU?

6] Are you living a divided life?  Trying to serve two masters?

7] Do you, have you decided to: 1 Deny your-SELF, 2 Take up your cross, the cross of death to your sinful nature and life from Jesus; and 3 FOLLOW HIM DAILY?

Mary Hunt, nationally recognized author and advisor, consultant and speaker on “putting and keeping your financial house in order” was a visitor on Focus on the Family Radio program, Monday, March 31, 2014.  She was there, with the support of Focus’ President Jim Daly, to discuss planning and preparing for retirement.  I listened for about three minutes, during which time Jim asked the question (my paraphrase), “Is it wrong, lacking in faith, for us to plan our financial affairs so we have money for our retirement?”  Ms. Hunt’s reply was (again, my paraphrase), “God gave us a brain, and He expects us to use it to take care of ourselves.”  I did not listen to the rest of the program because I am generally familiar with the elements that are required for “arranging our affairs to take care of ourselves.”

This question and answer reflect the central conflict between Christian doctrine and its practice in American culture today.  It gives rise to the question, “Who are you going to trust?  Are you going to trust God, or are you going to trust yourself?”  If you’re going to spend your time planning for retirement, arranging your affairs so as to retain the most assets in a secure and effective way; when will you find the time or the inclination to focus on God?

Certainly financial planning works.  You can organize things so you have assets to protect yourself from the vagaries of economic cycles.  You may end up with a great estate to pass on to your loved ones.  But what about those unexpected times when the whole economy goes to pot; the stock market falls 80% in one day; and your asset structure becomes valueless overnight; what will you do then?  Heaven forbid that you should be forced into such a tight place that you have to trust God.  Of course, I’ve been arguing on man’s terms.

The real question, if you’re goin to ‘plan your work and work your plan’ is this: What do you do about God’s Word?  Just to mention a few verses; ‘Take no thought (don’t even think about) tomorrow; (or next year, or when you’re 65) because tomorrow will take thought for itself.  Each day has enough trouble for itself.”  Jesus said this in the Sermon on the Mount, (Matt 6;34)  Right before that, in verse 33, He said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things (food, clothing, shelter) will be provided.”

Oh, and how does ‘Christian’ financial planning fit in with Matthew 11:25-28, where Jesus says, “I thank you Father, Maker of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and prudent, and ‘revealed’ them unto babes.  For so it seemed good in Your sight.”  If I had time, I would explain “there things”, “wise and prudent”, “revealed vs hidden” and “babes”.  But you get the drift.

Lastly, what are all the ‘Christian’ financial planners going to do with this passage, Jesus said, “Assuredly I tell you that whoever does not receive the kingdom of heaven as a little child will by no means enter it.  You just won’t be able to be converted and have a real, true, abiding relationship with God, unless you become as a little child.  Whew!  How can they claim to have financial planning AND have faith, (trust) in God, in the face of that passage?

And what about, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy (corrupt), and where thieves break in and steal.  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy, nor do thieves break in and steal; that were your treasure is, there may your heart be also. (Matthew 6;19-21)  God is looking at our hearts.

If God gave us a brain so we could take care of ourselves, why should we, how CAN we, trust Him.  This is an insidious lie from the devil; on the level of what Satan said to Eve, “If you eat that apple, God won’t really kill you, will He?”  Today, in our world, everybody and everything tells us that we are FOOLS to trust God, just like Satan was implying to Eve, that she would be a fool to trust that God was telling the truth.

Yes, you get to choose.  Who are you going to trust?

Life is a lot like baseball.  In order to play you just need to understand a few rules, get down the fundamentals, and then practice.  How much you practice has a big bearing on how you get along.  A coach in Texas used to make his players follow the “Rule of 100”.  Every player had throw 100, catch 100, hit 100 balls EVERY day.  Sounds like work. But he produced some great baseball players and some great teams.  Went to the State play-offs a lot of times.

Life in Jesus is like that.  To be a follower of Jesus you just need to learn the rules, get down the fundamentals and then practice. What are the fundamentals?  Talk to God, listen to God; trust God and obey Him. EVERY day.  Pretty simple, but not easy.  Takes practice.  The more you do it, the easier it gets.  The reward is that you develop a personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe and He comes to live in your own private heart.  Life just can’t get any better than that.

Like I said.  It’s like baseball.  When you get on a losing streak, what do all good coaches recommend?  Get back to the fundamentals.  When you stick with the fundamentals, it’ll turn your game and your life around.

Thx Tex